Bad Bad Dreams
by daxy
Summary: Summary: Horatio has a hard time sleeping, he has very scary nightmares. Will he be forced to tell his friends about his childhood to get rid of his dreams?
1. Chapter 1

Summary: Horatio had a hard time sleeping, he has very real a scary nightmares. Will he be forced to tell his friends about his childhood to get rid of his dreams?

**AN: I watched "The Amityville Horror", for the third time, when I decided to write this fic. **

**It's not a happy fic.**

Chapter one: Are you afraid of the dark, son?

_Dean Caine didn't liked to be disturbed when he read the morning newspaper. _

_But with two little kids in the house, that could be difficult._

_His oldest son, Horatio, only eight years old, sometimes glanced at his father. Trying to see in his eyes if he was mad. The little boy was short and quiet. He'd learned early not to talk without permission._

_Beside Horatio sat Raymond, only four, he didn't know what it was like when dad got mad at you, because dad never got mad at Raymond. Raymond was his favorite son, his special boy._

_Horatio's tiny hands tried to grasp his glass, but he dropped it._

_Everything went dead quiet, even the buzzing sound from the refrigerator stopped._

_Dean Caine gently placed his newspaper on the table._

_He slapped his oldest son right in the face!_

_Horatio whimpered a little, his cheek stung._

_Crying was a bad sign, that would only get his father more agitated._

"_Don't you know now to disturb me when I'm reading, boy?!" His father yelled._

_The little boy nodded._

"_I'm sorry sir." He said._

_Dean Caine stood up and grabbed his son by the neck collar, he dragged him up the stairs. The little boy could not keep up with his father's pace and stumbled on the steps. Hurting his knees._

"_I'm going to teach you some manners" His father growled._

_Dean tosses his son into his room, and closed the door._

_He slapped his son across the face, and heard him whimper._

"_Don't cry! What are you? A rat?" Dean said and took off his belt. "You have to learn to be strong!" He yelled and slapped his son with his belt, the belt his Horatio across his back._

_He cried now. Begged his father to stop._

"_Don't tell me what to do!" His father yelled and hit him once more._

_Dean suddenly stopped, he opened his closet door. He remembered very well that his soon hated closets._

_He'd leave his son there for hours, and he always screamed._

_Dean grabbed his son by the collar and walked towards the closet._

"_Are you afraid of the dark, son?" He asked, "Too bad, since you're going to have to spend a lot of time in here." He said and tossed his son inside the closet._

"_NO!!" Horatio screamed as his father closed the door, then he heard him drag something heavy and place it in front of the door._

"_Please sir, let me out!" He screamed._

_There was no answer. Horatio was sweating now, his back hurt and he couldn't see anything._

"_Please let me out, don't leave alone with them!" He begged, he didn't want to be alone in the darkness, then they would come for him._

_It was dead quiet and he felt hand touching him._

"_NO! Let me out! Let me out!!_

_-I-_

Horatio sat up in his bed screaming "No!"

He was covered in sweat, even his sheets were wet.

This was the third day he had had a nightmare. He looked towards his closet, and felt a shiver run down his spine.

"They" were only imaginary figures, but they still scared the hell out of him.

He hated his closet, even as a grown man, he was afraid.

He stepped out of bed and started pacing around in his room too calm down.

His clock read 4.45 a.m. He sighed, he had fallen asleep around 2 a.m.

He went to his bathroom to take a shower.

He hated seeing himself in the mirror, and especially when he was naked.

He had scars on his back, many scars. Some were big, others ran across each other.

He showered quickly and got dressed, then he went to work. He hoped Alex wouldn't mention how dead he looked.

-I-

Horatio sat in the lab, he was waiting for some test results to be done.

He thought about his dream, why did he have them now? It wasn't the anniversary of his mother's death, nor Raymond's.

Maybe it was because it was Halloween?

But then again, he had never had nightmares on Halloween before.

"Earth to Horatio." Eric said, waving his hand in front of his boss.

Horatio snapped out of his thoughts.

"Yeah?" He asked.

"You okay?" Eric asked, his boss sure looked dead on his feet.

"Yeah, I'm fine, just went to La-la land for a minute." Horatio sighed.

"Okay. Well, found no fingerprints on our murder weapon, but we got the killer's blood on the tip of the knife, however there's no one to match it too." Eric said.

Horatio sighed, maybe it was the case that they were working on that caused his sleepless nights? A girl had come home and found both here parents dead, only to be raped and stabbed badly a few minutes after coming home. They had one suspect with a motive and no alibi, but with Delco's new evidence, they had two suspects.

"Delco calling H." Eric said, his boss had zoomed out again, "Hello? Please respond." He said.

Horatio snapped out of his thoughts… again.

"Huh? Sorry, I just…" Horatio said.

"Went on a little trip too La-la land again." Eric caught him off, smiling.

"Yeah, exactly." Horatio said, "Well, that means we got another suspect, so we better look through the families friend again."

"Sure, I'll get right to it." Eric said, leaving.

Horatio rubbed his tired eyes, if Alex saw him like this, she'd kill him, probably Calliegh too.

He looked at his watch, only eleven. It was going to be a long day.

-I-

Horatio flushed his toilet, he had just threw up everything he had eaten in the last couple of days.

He banged his head against the bathroom wall, why? Why? Why?

He couldn't figure out why his dreams were affecting him so much, he couldn't even eat anymore.

Every time he ate it was as if he saw maggots crawling around in his food, and it felt like he was choking and then, and then he threw up.

He started pacing around in his living room, he didn't want to go back to sleep.

Instead he sat down in his couch and turned the TV on.

_-I-_

_Blood shoot eyes met angry blue eyes._

"_Are you done ruining my day?" Dean asked his scared son._

_Horatio nodded._

_Dean helped his son get out of the closet._

_The scared child was told too fresh up and then help his mother with the groceries._

_He splashed some water in his face and saw his little brother on the floor outside the bathroom._

_Ray looked at Horatio, his eyes told him that he knew what their father did. _

_His eyes also begged Horatio not to do something wrong again._

_The scared child sighed, how was he ever going to stop agitate his father? He was so scared that he made mistakes, simply by being to careful._

"_Hey, you dumb ass I told you help your mom, how long can it take too just fresh up?!" His father yelled from the bottom floor._

"_Coming sir." The boy answered._

_Quickly running down the stairs to help his mother, he almost ran into his father._

"_Watch it!" His father growled._

_Horatio waited for the slap to come, but it didn't come this time._

_His mother greeted him with a smiled, and eyes saying that she knew, but chose not to see._

_Her eyes told him that she faked her smile, for him, trying to make him and his little brother happy. But why? What good did it do? His father would still take his anger out on him._

_He hugged his mother, and she hugged him back, she held him for a long time, too try and comfort him._

_Horatio stepped away, his back hurt, and he didn't want his mother to hold too tight._

_He gave her a smile, a fake smile of course._

_Everything went smoothly as they unpacked the groceries._

_Afterwards the little boy didn't know what to do, he could play with his little brother, but if they were too loud, their father could get very angry, very angry indeed._

_Instead he sat down at the kitchen table, and petted his cat. His cat, Tom._

_Tom was black, and didn't move around much._

_Maybe he too had learned not to make too much noise._

_Dean walked into the kitchen, growling._

_He took a glass of water and then looked at his son petting the cat._

"_What have I told you about letting the cat be on the table?" Dean asked._

_Horatio stiffened instantly._

"_That it's not okay, sir." He said._

_His father walked towards him and grabbed his arm._

"_Then why is the damn cat on the table?" He growled._

_Horatio felt tears burning in his eyes._

"_Sorry." He quickly said, hoping his father would calm down._

_His mother walked into the kitchen._

"_Dean, you're hurting him." She said._

_Dean let go of his son's arm._

"_So maybe you want me to blame you for his mistakes? How will he learn if you take the blame for everything?" Dean growled and grabbed both his wife's arms._

"_Dean, stop, its hurts." She said, though she knew nothing would stop her husband now._

_Dean let her go and turned around and slapped his son, again and again._

"_When are you going to learn too keep that goddamn cat away form the table?!" He yelled, hitting his son in the head with his hands._

_Horatio crouched down and heard his mother beg his father to stop._

_Dean turned around and slapped his wife in the face._

"_Do not interrupt me when I'm teaching our son some discipline!" Dean growled and hit his wife in the face with his fist._

_Horatio was still crouched down on the floor, he heard his mother's whimpers and his father yelling._

"_Please stop!" He yelled to his father._

_His father turned around and pointed a finger at his son, "Okay, you'll rather be the one to stand up for your mother's mistakes?!" Dean asked, growling._

_The little boy with now bloodshot eyes didn't answer, but he knew his father took his silence as a yes as he moved towards him._

_-I-_

Horatio was trashing around in his couch, "Please stop!" He begged.

"No! Don't hurt me!"

Horatio screamed as he fell out of his couch.

He panted as he ran his hands down his body, no injuries, at least not physical.

"I'm safe, I'm safe" He kept repeating to himself.

His pulse was racing and once again he was covered in sweat.

His sat on the floor and jumped as his phone rang.

"Horatio." He answered, still trying to calm down.

"Hey it's Frank, are you alright? Did you run to the phone?" Frank asked on the other end.

"Eh, Yeah." Horatio lied.

"I thought you had better physical condition than it sounds like." Frank joked.

"Yeah, well, I'm also tired." Horatio said, and regretted it as soon as it was out.

"Yeah, I've seen that, anything you want to share?" Frank asked.

"No, it's okay, I'm fine." Horatio lied again.

"Alright, well I got a DB in a warehouse, it's the same memo as the in that family murder, cut from ear to ear." Frank said, "Are you up for it?"

"Yeah, give me the address." Horatio said.

Frank gave him the address and Horatio said he'd met him there in about half an hour.

Horatio hung up and Frank hung up.

"Okay be cool Horatio, don't fall asleep in the car, and try to look somewhat alive." He told himself.

It was dark around him, the TV was on, but it was nothing but anti war.

He sighed, "Grow up H, there's nothing in the darkness that can kill you." he said to himself.

But he could swear that he heard evil laughter somewhere.

As he was about to leave his house, he heard his father's voice over and over again.

"_Are you afraid of the dark, son?"_

_TBC…_

**AN: Poor H, I really do but him through a lot of misery in my stories don't I?**

**Anyway, Thank you Queen Sunstar!**


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter two: Merry Christmas you little piece of shit.

"Horatio, I think we might be dealing with revenge." Ryan said as he met up with Horatio, who was coming out of the elevator.

"Really, why?" Horatio asked, trying not to yawn.

"Well, the father from our first murder was apparently abusing his wife and so had our new victim when he was married a couple of years ago." Ryan said, proud of himself.

"Good job." Horatio said, tired.

Ryan frowned, his boss looked like as if he had been run over. His eyes looked dead and it seemed to take a lot of energy for him only to talk.

"You should go see a doctor." Ryan said.

Horatio sighed, "I'm fine." He said.

_Yeah right, _Ryan thought, but decided not to push his boss.

"Alright, I'll go check for people who might want revenge of these guys." Ryan said and left.

Horatio hurried to his office, everybody had started to notice how tired he looked and it was only a matter of time before Alexx would scowl at him for not sleeping properly.

But he couldn't tell her about his dreams, he couldn't tell anybody.

He had once. When he was 22 he had a girlfriend and he told her about his childhood. She had left him, fearing he would become like his father.

And Raymond never spoke about their childhood, he ignored the fact that Horatio had scars all over his body.

His back and chest were the worst areas.

His scars had scared away some potential girlfriends, and incurred others to hurt him just like his father.

The last time he had been really happy was when he had met Marisol.

But their relationship didn't last long, it was as if Horatio simply had no right to be feel happiness, to feel love, and it was as if he was meant to be alone.

Horatio did some paperwork and then walked down to the labs, trying to work with some evidence.

The problem was that they didn't have much evidence.

-I-

After about five hours the team still didn't have much to work with, the only thing they knew was that the blood from the first crime scene matched blood found at the other crime scene.

But they still had no one to match it to.

It was three a.m. and Horatio was sleeping in his lab.

_-I-_

_The now ten year old boy watched his neighbors greet their relatives._

_They were all smiling and hugged each other._

_He wished he could have it liked that, but Christmas in the Caine family residence was not happy._

_Raymond had been given a new bike as a Christmas present, Horatio had been given… He hadn't been given anything._

_In fact his mother had said that she had forgotten to buy something to him because of dementia. But Horatio didn't believe her. She never forgot things. _

_He knew it was his father that had stopped her from buying something for him._

_Why did his father hate him? The young boy wondered, that did he ever do to make him so mad at him?_

_Horatio was ten years old and had never received a Christmas present or birthday present, but his little brother got everything he pointed at._

_Dean sat in his couch, observing his oldest son, and he knew that the boy wanted a present._

_His wife was in the kitchen, cooking dinner, and his youngest son was playing on the second floor._

_Horatio never said much to his father, nor his mother._

_He wasn't aloud to speak on his own free will._

_Dean rose from the couch and walked to his son, he grabbed him by the neck._

"_Don't you think this is perfect Christmas, boy?" Dean asked._

_Horatio nodded, oh it sure was perfect, who wouldn't want to get beatenby their father on Christmas, what a perfect gift._

_Dean pulled his son away from the window and forced him down the basement._

_He tossed Horatio to the floor._

"_You know, I'm going to stop putting you in my closet, I don't want you sitting their, among my clothes._

_Instead, I'm going to put you in the trunk, I made a few holes for you, so you'll get air." Dean said._

_Horatio didn't know what to answer._

"_Take your clothes off." Dean told his son._

_Nobody knew that Dean had been molested by his grandfather when he was young, and nobody knew how much Horatio reminded Dean about his grandfather. Sure the boy looked just like Dean, but the was quiet, and shy, just like Deans grandfather._

_Horatio was ashamed, as standing naked in front of your father was not very fun._

"_Get on your knees." Dean said._

_-I-_

Horatio jerked away from the desk and gasped.

He felt the urge to throw up, and he probably would have if Natalia wasn't standing next to him, worry written all over her face.

Horatio was panting and jumped slightly as Natalia placed her hand on his shoulder.

"Are you ok?" She asked, "I'm sorry if I scared you."

Horatio calmed down slightly.

"You didn't scare me, I just…" Horatio said.

"You hade a bad dream?" Natalia asked.

Horatio nodded, he gave a little smile to reassure her that he was okay.

Natalia smiled back, she didn't asked what he had been dreaming about, because she already knew that he wouldn't tell her.

Instead she told him to go home and get some sleep. She offered to drive him, but he declined.

Sitting in his car Horatio tried to get the demons inside his head to stop screaming and laughing at him.

He tried to get images of his father out of his head, but he couldn't.

He started the engine and drove home.

_-I-_

"_Why do you and daddy go down to the basement everyday?" Raymond asked his older brother._

_Horatio turned pale._

_He couldn't tell Raymond that he was down there doing his dad and two of his dads friend some "favors", and that after every "favor" they'd beat the hell out of him._

"_We just talk, that's all." Horatio said._

_One of his dads friends were a doctor, the other was Horatio English teacher._

_Horatio hated English, because going to school and knowing that you'd get and A in English because your teacher…_

_It hurt to think about it._

_Horatio mother was a believer, his father wasn't._

_Horatio wasn't sure about what he was, except for his daddy's toy._

_If God really was as good as the bible said, then why did he let Horatio get hurt?_

"_They talk about you at school?" Raymond said._

_Horatio and Raymond were on their way home, they were already late for dinner and they both knew that Horatio would be blamed._

"_What do they say?" Horatio asked, why would anyone talk about him?_

_The only thing anybody could say was that he was a coward, he never fought with anyone, he rather got hit by his classmates._

_They all knew that they could pick on him, because "the carrot top" never says anything, he never fights back and never tells the teachers what is going on._

_Horatio never said a word in school, ever._

_His classmates had no idea what his voice sounded like, they had never heard it._

"_They say that you get hit by daddy. They say that you have scars." Raymond whispered._

_Horatio sure had scars, but he never changed for gymnastics together with the other boys._

"_Why do they think I have scars?" Horatio asked._

"_I don't know, they just say you do." Raymond shrugged, "And they say that someone is hurting you because you have been limping for weeks now."_

"_Well, my leg just hurts, that all." Horatio said._

_Raymond gave him a look that said no way._

_Horatio ignored it, he had chosen to never talk about what their Father did to him, never tell anyone, that was his policy._

_His mother ignored it, so why couldn't he?_

_As the two young boys had expected their father was furious._

"_Where the hell have you two been?!" He shouted at them._

"_Daddy, it's okay, we were just late because my teacher forgot the time." Raymond said._

"_So you're saying that your teacher, that you had on your last lesson, forgot the time and that's why you quite later, and that made you late?" Dean asked his youngest son with a childish voice._

_Raymond nodded._

_The reason they had been late was because Horatio teacher had forgot the time, not Raymond's._

"_Okay, well I guess that makes it understandable." Dean said, "But I still want to talk to you after dinner, boy." Dean said and pointed his finger towards Horatio._

_Horatio said nothing, he hated being called "boy"._

_He had a name! His mother rarely said Horatio to him either, it was mostly just "son"._

_Right now he hated his parents, his mother eyes showed sympathy._

_Sympathy, but no signs of trying to rescue her son._

_And it didn't matter what lie Raymond said to their father, Horatio would always be blamed._

_Always._

_After dinner, he followed his father down to the basement._

"_It's just you and me today, boy." Dean said._

_Dean took out a horse whip, "I bought this today." He said._

_Horatio said nothing._

"_But, I'm not going to use it on you today, instead I want you to find something for me." Dean said and put the whip away._

_Dean showed Horatio a big pile of glass._

"_A window was broken today in the garage, and I scoped the pile up. What I forgot was that I dropped my wedding ring, right in this glass, and now you are going to find it for me." Dean said._

_Horatio crouched down on his knees and starting searching through the glass._

_His father sat smiling on a chair behind him._

_Horatio could feel the glass cutting his hands and wrists._

"_Work faster!" Dean growled and kicked his son in the back._

_Horatio felt tears running down his cheeks. He tried his hardest, but his hands hurt too much._

"_You are too damn slow!" His father shouted and grabbed Horatio by the neck._

_Dean hit his son in the face with his right fist._

_Horatio fell to the floor and Dean kicked him at his ribcage._

"_I need that fucking ring!" Dean shouted and grabbed his sons arms._

_Dean tossed his son at the car and Horatio screamed as his left wrist broke._

_Dean ignored the sound of a bone breaking and opened the trunk._

_He dragged Horatio on the floor and then tossed him in the trunk._

"_No!!" Horatio screamed as he saw his father close the trunk door._

_Dean smiled at him._

_Dean waved his hand to his son as the click of the door being closed could be heard._

_-I-_

Horatio fell out of his bed and hit his head on the floor.

He grabbed his wrist to make sure that it wasn't broken.

As he sat on the floor, panting, he realized that he was in his house.

He had no memory of going to bed.

But then again, right now he wasn't sure he could even remember when it was his birthday.

He felt as he was almost choking on something, but there was nothing for him to choke on.

He was sweating and looked at his watch, it read 9:45.

_Shit!_ He thought and quickly rose to his feet.

He was late, very late, and it was only a matter of time before his team would send out a search party.

He checked his cell phone and saw thirteen missed calls, all of them from member of his team.

He showered quickly and got dressed.

Just when he was about to leave his phone rang.

"Horatio." He answered his phone.

"Where are you? Are you okay? Did you get any sleep? Do you know that you are late?" Frank asked on the other end of the phone.

"Calm down, Frank. To answer your questions, I am on my way to work, I am fine, yes I got some sleep and I do know that I'm late, I didn't hear my alarm." Horatio said.

"Okay, good, Alex was about to send out a search party, and I think that she and Cal might kill you when you get here, no wait…" Frank said, Horatio could hear that someone was fighting over the phone with him.

"Horatio, do you have any idea how worried we've been?" He heard Alexx ask.

"I'm sorry." Horatio said.

"I know baby, just drive safe and Frank let me talk to him!… just drive safe and come see me in the morgue when you get here." Alex said.

"I will Alexx, bye." Horatio said, he could hear Frank complaining in the background.

Alexx said goodbye and hung up.

_Oh, I'm in trouble. _Horatio thought as he drove to work.

-I-

Horatio smiled, Alexx was scowling Eric and Ryan, for what he had no idea.

"Why didn't anybody come to me and tell me that he looked a zombie?" Alexx asked.

Horatio swallowed, now he knew what they were fighting about.

Eric, Ryan, Nat and Frank were the only ones who knew that Horatio had looked dead over the last couple of days, and usually they would have told Alexx, but this time they hadn't and now she was pissed that she had been kept in the dark when one of her dearest friends was obviously not feeling well.

"He said he was fine." Ryan said.

Alexx gave Ryan a death glare.

"Honey, he always says he's fine." Alex said.

"Okay, Alexx, we are sorry." Eric said.

Alexx smiled. "You're forgiven." She said.

Ryan and Eric smiled as they walked out of the morgue and wished Horatio good luck as he entered the morgue.

Alexx looked at Horatio.

"Okay, are you having nightmares?" Alexx asked.

Horatio looked shocked.

"Nightmares?" He asked.

"Yeah, don't think I don't know that you have a sleeping problem because of nightmares, Amy told me that, but she never told me what you were dreaming about." Alexx said.

Horatio felt sorrow rush over him as Alexx mentioned Amy.

Horatio had met Amy when he first moved to Miami, they had been engaged and had a son named Benjamin, who was two years olds, when both Amy and Benjamin had been shot by a robber.

The robber had been hired to kill a mother and child of a certain family, a rich family. But he had shot the wrong mother and the wrong child.

Benjamin had been killed just one week before his third birthday.

"I'm sorry Horatio, I didn't mean to bring her up." Alexx said, she knew that Horatio didn't like to talk about them, it hurt too much for him.

"It's okay, Alexx, don't worry about it." Horatio smiled.

Alex smiled back.

She was about to keep on scowling Horatio when Frank walked in with a shocked look on his face.

"Horatio I just got a called from Chicago PD." Frank said.

"Yeah, did something happen?" Horatio asked.

Horatio got a little worried. Suzie and Madison lived in Chicago. He hadn't seen his niece Madison in almost three years. Suzie was Madison's mother, she had an affair with Raymond many years ago and Suzie became pregnant with Madison. The last time they saw each other was when Madison had been sick in leukemia.

"They have arrested Suzie for murder." Frank said.

"What?! Who do they think she killed?" Alexx asked before Horatio got a chance.

"They don't think. They know that she killed Madison two days ago, when she was high with some junkie friends of her." Frank said.

Horatio just looked at Frank.

"No, I don't believe you." Horatio said.

"Horatio, I'm sorry, but Suzie confessed." Frank said.

_TBC_

**AN: I hope that David Caruso doesn't read this and hates me because of all the thing I put his character through, lol.**

**I can promise you this though, it will be a happy ending!**


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter three: Roscoe, the neighbors dog

_The little boy, only twelve by now, was kicking and hitting his hands against the Trunk door._

_Once again, his father had looked him in the trunk. This time his father had been angry at him for not cleaning his room fast enough. Horatio no longer knew what was right or wrong. How did you really behave?_

_Whatever he did, it was wrong. If he held his fork in the wrong way his father would hit him, if he then changed so he held his fork the way his father did, assuming it was the right way, his father would hit him for being a copy cat._

_The boys hands were bleeding from hitting the door. It wasn't much blood, but enough to make his teachers suspicious. _

_The way they looked at him, it was if they knew what happened in the Caine house hold. Yet Horatio tried not to show the pain. Tried to just be the smart kid without any friends but with a good home._

_Horatio stopped his kicking and hitting as he heard footsteps outside the trunk._

_The door opened and his father looked at him and sighed._

"_I'm sick of your kicking." Dean said and grabbed his son by the collar. He lifted him out and hugged him._

_The boy didn't hug back, he didn't believe that his father meant anything by his hug._

_Dean stepped away from his son._

"_I hugged you so that you would get some body heat, you're going to need where you're going." Dean said, and grabbed his sons arm._

_Dean opened the garage door. Outside, it was snowing and it was well below freezing. _

"_I know how much you like snow, boy. Well, Now you got a chance to play out in the snow without anyone disturbing you." Dean said as he threw his son out in the snow._

_Horatio jumped as he felt the cold snow. He stood up and ran towards the garage door. But it was too late. His father had closed the door already._

_Dean stood inside the garage and grinned at his son through the small glass window on the door._

_Horatio's eyes pleaded for his father to let him in._

_But Dean's eyes were cold as ice. There was no emotion in them, and so Dean turned around and walked away._

_Horatio forced himself not to cry. His mother had told him never to cry outside, because the tears would freeze on his face._

_The growling of a dog made the frightened boy to turn around. He looked into the eyes of a big Doberman. The dog belonged to a neighbor down the street._

_This wasn't the first time that Horatio and the Doberman, named Roscoe, had encountered each other. The last time they had met each other, Horatio had spent two days in the hospital after being bitten a couple of times._

_Horatio closed his eyes. He knew what was coming and hoped that his mother would hear his screams, as he heard Roscoe run towards him, growling._

_-I-_

Horatio was tossing abouton the couch in his office. Sweat ran down his face. Frank, who had been walking by the office, and had come running in once he heard Horatio screaming, did his best to calm his best friend down.

"Horatio! It's just a dream, wake up!" Frank shouted. Horatio didn't hear him, and his body arched as if he were in turmoil. Frank grabbed Horatio's arms and managed to get him up in a bear hug.

Horatio was murmuring incoherent words and Frank was able to make out something like, "Roscoe" and "mom".

After a while Horatio jumped up and released himself from Frank's grip.

He sat on the edge of the couch, panting.

"Jesus, Horatio. What where you dreaming about?" Frank asked. He sat down next to Horatio.

"When I was twelve I was attacked by a dog." Horatio said, "That was what I was dreaming about."

Frank nodded. He knew that Horatio didn't like dogs. In fact he was terrified of them.

"I'm sorry if I scared you." Horatio said quietly.

"You have nothing to apologize for. I just came up here to see how you were doing." Frank said.

Suddenly it all came back to Horatio. Madison was dead.

He remembered how he had walked out of the morgue, without saying a word. Then he had come up to his office to lay down on his couch. He must have fallen asleep.

"Did Suzie really confess?" Horatio asked.

He couldn't believe it. Suzie was clean. She had been clean for years. She was happy in Chicago.

"I'm afraid so. There is no way for her to get out of this." Frank said.

"I have to call her." Horatio said, getting up to sit down at his desk.

"Are you sure?" Frank asked.

Horatio nodded. He had to know why she had killed Madison.

"Okay, call the Chicago state prison." Frank said as he gave Horatio a piece of paper with the telephone number written on it.

Horatio nodded, and thanked Frank as he walked out to leave Horatio alone.

Horatio dialed the number. It didn't take long before somebody answered and after Horatio had told the person on the other end who he was and who he was looking for, it didn't take very long before he heard Suzie's voice on the other end.

"Horatio?" Suzie asked.

"Yeah, it's me." Horatio said, his voice cracking.

Suzie started crying. Horatio held back his tears.

"I am so sorry, Horatio." Suzie cried.

Horatio felt anger rising inside of him. He wanted to yell at her for killing her own child.

But at the same time he felt guilty. What if he had just kept a better contact with Suzie and Madison. Then maybe this would never have happened.

"Why Suzie?" Horatio asked, once Suzie had calmed down a little bit.

"I was high. I though she was someone else. So I drowned her." Suzie said simply. She sad it to simply for Horatio. It made his stomach turn inside out.

He hung up and rushed towards the men's room. Bending over one of the toilets he threw up.

Suzie hadn't been crying because her daughter was killed. She had been crying because she knew that Horatio knew what had happened, and she was afraid that he would be mad at her.

Once Horatio was finished, he couldn't stop the tears anymore. He sat on the floor and cried.

It was too much for him. Losing everybody in his family.

Raymond was gone. Yelina and Ray JR were gone. They had been killed in a car accident. It had been raining and Yelina had lost control of the car. Both Yelina had died instantly, but Ray JR had been rushed to the hospital. He had been in a coma for three weeks, before becoming brain dead. Horatio had been forced to make the decision to turn off all the life support. He had known that Ray's brain wasn't working and that he would never wake up. But yet it still felt like he had partly killed his nephew.

That was four months ago.

Now he didn't even have a niece anymore.

The worst part was to imagine how Madison must have felt as she died. Looking into her mother's eyes as she died. She died knowing that her mother was responsible.

"Horatio, you should take the day off." the voice that belonged to Alexx Woods said, as she sat down next to the crying man.

Horatio sobbed, and shook his head.

"No, I have a case." He said.

"Horatio, please. You have to go home and rest. You just lost your niece and you haven't slept for days." Alexx said.

Horatio sobbed, and Alexx hugged him.

"She doesn't care Alexx. She told me why she had killed Madison so simply. As if it didn't bother her." Horatio sobbed.

Horatio and Alexx stood up.

"The drugs has surely destroyed that young woman." Alexx stated.

Horatio nodded slightly. He cleaned himself up a little and walked out the men's room together with Alexx.

Alexx stopped Horatio when she saw that he was on the way to his office.

"Honey, you are going home." She said firmly.

"I don't want to Alexx. I need to stay here." Horatio said.

Usually he would have given in, but now he wouldn't. He had nothing at home. The only thing he could do at home was to cry his heart out alone. He didn't want to be alone. He didn't want to go home, because he was afraid he'd fall asleep again. He couldn't bear the thought of having another nightmare.

"Horatio." Alexx said, the tone of her voice indicating that she was getting annoyed at him.

"I won't Alexx." Horatio said firmly.

"Yes you will! You need to get some sleep!" Alexx growled.

"I don't need any sleep!" Horatio yelled.

Eric and Calleigh, who had been standing near by, started to walk towards them.

"What I need is for everybody I care about to stop dying!" Horatio said, and walked up to his office.

Alexx lowered her head. She and Horatio rarely, very rarely, fought with each other.

She knew that Horatio wasn't mad at her, but Madison's death was too much for him.

"Are you okay Alexx?" Calleigh asked.

"Yeah, don't worry. I'm not mad at him and he's not mad at me. It's just too much for him." Alexx said.

"Do you want me to talk to him?" Calleigh asked.

"I hope that your think your southern charm can make him go home." Alexx smiled.

Calleigh smiled and walked up too Horatio office. She knocked on the door, but there was no answer.

"Horatio?" She asked as the opened the door.

Both Eric and Alexx heard her scream. They ran to her.

"Somebody quick! Call a bus! Ryan that means an ambulance, not a school bus!" Eric screamed form the open door. Within seconds half the lab crowded around the door, forcing Frank to play traffic cop in order to get the EMT's into Horatio's office.

Alexx was already kneeling by Horatio's side and felt his pulse. It was rapid. She noticed that he was hyperventilating, so she lifted Horatio's head up. That seemed to help as Horatio started to breathe easier.

"Horatio, sweetie, can you hear me?" Alexx asked, "If you can hear me I want you to squeeze me hand."

Horatio's hand stayed limp.

"Is this because of his lack of sleep?" Calleigh asked worried. She put Horatio's head in her lap, making sure his head stayed up.

Alexx nodded, "Most likely. His body has gone into shock from the lack of sleep."

After a while the EMT's showed up and put Horatio on a stretcher.

They put an oxygen mask over his face, since they noticed he was having a little trouble breathing.

Calleigh went with them in the ambulance, while Alexx and Eric followed in a service hummer.

_-I-_

_The little boy was crying as the doctor checked his injuries._

_Nurses were giving him shots of antibiotics. _

_He had a oxygen mask over his face and bandage over his wounds._

_Roscoe had bitten him over twenty times, before and old couple had walked passed and the old man had chased the dog away._

_They had called an ambulance and now the frightened young boy was in a place without his parents, surrounded by people he didn't know._

_He started feeling sleepy and the last thing Horatio saw before he fell asleep was Roscoe's sharp teeth._

_It had been a few hours since Horatio had been brought to the hospital._

_He was now sitting in a big white bed with bandage covering the majority of his body._

_Neither of his parents were there._

_But he heard the doctor outside talking to what he though was his father._

"_Your son has multiple deep injuries from bites. Some of his injuries are infected and most of them will leave scaring behind. Other than that he has three broken fingers on his left hand and one broken rib. He will need stay calm and rest as much as possible for four weeks. But I will need to see him back here in two weeks." The doctor said._

_There was a quiet response but the boy couldn't hear it._

_He jumped slightly as the blinds opened and his father walked in._

_Dean didn't look angry. He looked scared._

"_Well, I can promise you this boy. If you tell anyone how you ended up on the backyard all by yourself, you will meet that ugly dog again. Do you understand me?" Dean asked._

_Horatio nodded._

"_Now your mother wanted to come here of course, but I told her to stay home with your little brother. She'll come by tomorrow." Dean said, and sat down next to the bed._

_Horatio nodded. He knew that his mother had been blamed for not rescuing him. How could she rescue him if she wasn't even aware of that her son was being bitten by a dog? Of course the boys father didn't see it that way. Whenever Horatio screwed up it was his mother's fault that she didn't teach him any better and the boys fault himself that he didn't listen._

_Dean ran his hand up Horatio's leg._

"_There is no one around here, but me. What do say we have a little fun?" Dean smirked._

_Horatio closed his eyes and begged that a nurse would walk in and stop his father._

_-I-_

_TBC…_

**AN: moahaha, you'll have to wait for the next chapter to see what happens with Horatio after passing out.**

**I hope you liked this chapter, please review!**


	4. Chapter 4

Alexx and Calleigh were in the ICU waiting room. Eric had had to get back to the lab and work on their case with Ryan and Natalia. Horatio been brought up to the ICU about two hours ago. He had been unconscious the whole time. Calleigh was pacing. Alexx was quietly sitting in one of the chairs. After a little while a doctor walked in.

"Hello, I'm Dr. Kim O'Connor." she said, "I'm the doctor in charge of Lt. Caine."

"Hi, I'm Dr. Alexx Woods and this is Calleigh Duquesne." Alexx said.

They all shook hands.

"Lt. Caine has a slight concussion from hitting his head as he passed out. "Dr. O'Connor said, "Now you said that he hasn't been sleeping properly, right?"

"Yes. He's been having nightmares for some days now." Alexx said, "And I don't think that he has been able to eat much either."

"Yes, he seems exhausted, it's like his body has no energy left because his vitals are quite low." Dr. O'Connor said.

"Can we see him?" Calleigh asked.

"Yes, this way." Dr. O'Connor said, "We've put an oxygen mask on him just in case something would go wrong. He's in REM sleep."

"Rapid eye movements." Calleigh whispered to herself. That meant that he was dreaming, probably having a nightmare. He wasn't safe from his nightmares even when he was unconscious. The doctor opened the door to room 214. Horatio was laying on bed, an IV attached to him and an oxygen mask. The door closed and Alexx and Calleigh were left alone.

"He's lost some weight." Alexx said, "Poor Baby."

"Why didn't he tell us he had nightmares, or at least told you?" Calleigh asked.

"Well, I think he was about to tell me when we heard the new about Madison. But Horatio does have a problem when it comes to letting people in. Letting them come close." Alexx said sadly. "But after this he's going to have to at least tell us where this dreams are coming from."

Calliegh and Alexx sat down on each side of Horatio's bed and simply watched him. Calliegh wondered what went on behind those closed eyelids. What he was dreaming about.

_-I-_

_Horatio was thirteen. By now he was used to being tied to a chair in the basement. He had no shirt on, so all his scars were visible. The scars were his fathers "gift" to him, and Dean didn't mind to give Horatio a lot of "gifts". Dean stood behind his son, he had his belt in his hand and was ready to punish his son for missing dinner. Horatio was calm. He had learned long ago not to scream when his father hit him. In fact he barely spoke anymore, not even to his mother. Dean took a deep breath and hit Horatio with his belt. The belt buckle was big and every time Horatio flinched Dean was satisfied. He wanted to hear his son scream, but knew he had quit doing that years ago. It didn't make Dean want to hit him less though, no, quite the opposite. He wanted to see his son bleed from his back. He wanted him to hurt so much that he couldn't sleep for days. Dean wanted Horatio to be in his power for the rest of his life. Dean brought the belt buckle in contact with Horatio's back again and again._

_"What's the count?" Dean asked. He liked to keep count, so that Horatio would be reminded of how many new scars he'd get._

_"Three." Horatio answered quietly._

_"Only… let me see, 87 left then." Dean smiled._

_He kept on hitting Horatio and soon blood ran down Horatio's back. Dean chuckled. The wound might get infected, but there was no way that he would take Horatio to a hospital. Horatio knew Raymond was watching from behind the car. It was Raymond's way of making sure that Horatio was alright. To make sure that Dean didn't kill him. Though, it only made Raymond have nightmares and who got to pay for it when Raymond woke up screaming in the middle of the night? Horatio had to pay. Horatio had to pay for everything._

_"Ten, eleven, twelve." Horatio counted. He had to count. It was his father's wish._

_Dean never got tired of hitting his oldest son. Never._

_"Seventeen, eighteen." Horatio kept on counting._

_He tried to think about something happy, but every time the belt buckle connected with his skin he was brought back to the cruel reality. He could feel the blood coming from his deep wounds. He could feel the cold belt buckle making new scars over the old ones. He new that this time tomorrow he would have bruises all over his back. This time tomorrow his father would give him some other punishment, until the bruises on his back were healed._

_"Thirty one, thirty two, thirty three." Horatio groaned, "Thirty four, thirty five." _

_He balled his hands into fists and bit down his lip, making his lip bleed too. After a while Horatio stopped flinching, making Dean hit him even harder. _

_"Forty eight, forty nine." Horatio counted._

_-I-_

Eric and Ryan were working on some evidence in their case. Since Horatio had been brought to the hospital the lab had been dead silent. Nobody played any pranks on each other at the moment.

"Do you think H will tell us about his sleeping problem?" Ryan asked.

Eric sighed, "Yeah, I think Alexx will get him to tell at least her. But I'm not going to lie and say that I'm not curious."

"Me too." Ryan said.

When Ryan had first met the Lt. he had thought that he seemed to a person who disliked physical contact. It wasn't true. Horatio was a very loving man who wanted nothing more than a family, but never seemed to feel happy for very long. Every time something tragic happened to him he just went deeper into his shell. If there were anyone who could break his defense it was Calleigh and Alexx. Calliegh was so obviously in love with Horatio and he was so obviously in love with her. Neither of them wanted to make the first move however.

"I got a fingerprint on the murder weapon." Eric said.

Ryan nodded, "Good."

They ran it through AFIS and got a hit. With deep concerns they walked out of the lab to bring in their suspect. They didn't like to be working when their boss and friend were at a hospital.

-I-

Horatio stirred and slowly opened his blue eyes. Though, they didn't seem so blue anymore. The color had almost faded. That's what it looked like to Alexx, who was now the only one left in the room.

Calleigh had went back to the lab to search for some family history about Horatio. Alexx had told her to find as much as she could.

"Horatio sweetie, look at me." Alexx said softly. It took a while but Horatio finally managed to make eye contact with Alexx.

"Hi." Alexx said, "How are you feeling?"

Horatio didn't answer at first. Then he removed his oxygen mask.

"I've been better to be honest." he sighed.

Alexx nodded, "I understand that. Horatio you passed out in your office, from the lack of sleep."

Horatio looked down at his hands, they were sweaty. He had been dreaming he knew it. He knew that Alexx would scowl at him.

"Horatio, we have to talk." she said.

Horatio shook his head, "I can't Alexx."

"Yes, you can. Amy told me you had nightmares. She said that it took you a long time to tell her what it was you were dreaming about." Alexx said, "You told her it was from your childhood, right?"

"Alexx, it was a secret. Nobody else was supposed to know." Horatio snapped.

Alexx brought her hand to Horatios chin. She lifted his head up to make eye contact, but he kept pulling away.

"Look at me." she said, "Horatio, please."

Horatio looked at her. It wasn't easy for him to make eye contact with someone.

"You have to tell me, sweetie." Alexx said, "Tell me about your childhood. Not today. But someday."

Horatio shook his head, but knew that he was going to be forced to do it. He didn't want Alexx to look at him and think _"There goes the man that was abused by his father. The man who was abused by everyone around him." _Horatio nodded and Alexx smiled. Inside his mind was screaming at him. A little voice inside his head kept saying: _"What have you done?! Now you're going to have to tell her your darkest secrets!" _He could lie, of course. He could tell her the little more softer side of his childhood. Only tell her the times when all his father did was to smack him in his head and not use his belt. But he knew that Alexx would see through it. That woman would be so useful in his investigations. No criminal would ever lie to her. But he would only tell her. Nobody else. Horatio's mind went back to Madison.

"Have you heard anything about Suzie?" Horatio asked quietly.

"No, and you should try to think about getting some sleep. Madison's death is not you fault and you don't have to think about any funeral right now." Alexx answered quickly with a glare that warned Horatio to not even try and think about how he could have changed things for Madison. Horatio sighed, sometimes it was bad never being able to lie. He wanted to see Madison. He wanted to say his final goodbye, but Alexx would never let him do that, not now anyway.

"Sweetie, I have to go back to the morgue and perform an autopsy. I want you to promise me to try and get some sleep." Alexx said and she stood up to leave.

Horatio nodded, "Okay." he said.

"Say I promise" Alexx smiled.

"I promise" Horatio said.

Alexx gave a kiss on the cheek and left the room. Horatio locked around. White walls, White roof, and White floor, he thought, doctors with white coats and the only ones who probably weren't wearing anything white was the nurses. They probably wore something blue or maybe light red or pink. Horatio decided to keep his promise to Alexx and closed his eyes to sleep. Deep inside himself though, he knew it would be very hard. He knew that another nightmare was coming.

-I-

The day was coming to an end. Calliegh had gathered some information on Horatio's family history, but it hadn't been very easy. Calleigh and Alexx were sitting in the break room, looking at the little information that they had.

"I found out that Horatio's parents were killed when he was quite young, he was fifteen." Calleigh said, "I don't know how they died however. How much do you know about his past?"

"He never said much about himself to me, he mostly told Amy. And she told me." Alexx said.

"Who is Amy?" Calleigh asked.

"It was Horatio's fiancé. They met when Horatio moved down here to Miami, and they got a son, Benjamin. After two years, Amy and Benjamin were killed by a robber, who had been hired to kill a mother and a child. But he killed the wrong mother and child." Alexx said.

Calleigh eyes widened, could life be more unfair? How much would Horatio have to live through before it killed him?

"Amy told me he had nightmares and that he didn't like to talk about them." Alexx sighed, "she told me once that he had scars all over his body and he said that they were from "Dean", Dean is his father's name." she

"Yeah it is." Calleigh said, looking through her papers, "Dean Caine."

Alexx nodded, "Does your papers say anything about conditions in the Caine household?" Alexx asked.

"Well, after Horatio's parents died, he and his brother met a child psychologist. He was going to help them talk about their life and help them move through their parent death." Calleigh said.

"What's his name?" Alexx asked.

"Umm… Let me see… Oh, here it is, Dr. Malcolm Stevens." Calleigh said.

"I know who that is, he was also a college professor. He had my class in medicine class." Alexx said, "He died the same year he graduated."

"So there is now way we can ask him anything." Calleigh sighed.

"I think we simply have to make Horatio open up." Alexx said.

Calliegh nodded. She couldn't lie to herself and say that she wasn't curious about her boss and friends life before Miami, of course she wanted to know about it. But she was also concerned that if he didn't let it out it would eat him up form the inside. Or maybe it already does eat him up. She remembered the first time she had met the stunning Lt. from Miami and he had offered her a job in Miami. She had agreed and secretly been hoping that he fallen in love with her at first sight, just like she had. Since she had moved down to Miami they had been flirting with each other in joking way, and it's like both of them always wanted to tell each other how they felt, but they couldn't. Calleigh hoped Horatio loved her just as much as she loved him.

_-I-_

_"Mom, he hit you again didn't he?" The thirteen year old read-head asked his mother._

_His mother smiled at him, but the look in her eyes gave him his answer._

_"No he didn't Horatio. I slammed into the car door, that all." she smiled._

_She should have known that there was no need in lying to him, just like her Horatio could easily read people and say when they were lying._

_"Are you sure, he didn't help you slam into the door?" Horatio asked accusingly._

_"Horatio, stop accusing your father of things that are not true. People are starting to suspect things and your father is a gentle family man." she said. Horatio looked right into her eyes, she was lying. She had never before tried to deny what her husband did to her and her oldest son. But now the rumor in the block was more important then taking care of her sons. Horatio huffed and ran to his room. He slammed the door shut and threw himself on his bed. He just lay there and listened to everything around him. After a while he heard Dean and Raymond come home from Raymond's soccer practice. Dean sounded happy and he could hear how his mother greeted her husband with a cheerful voice and called him darling. He wanted to throw up. Did she really think that his good mood would last the whole night? Of course not, she knew better, but she wanted to believe it would last. He could hear them start eating and his mother told her husband that Horatio was feeling ill and therefore didn't join them for dinner. Horatio knew his father would come in to his room after dinner and make sure that Horatio really was sick. It didn't take long for footsteps to be heard in the stairs and soon a door opened and Dean walked into Horatio view._

_"Your mother tells me you're feeling sick, is that correct?" Dean asked in a soft tone._

_"Yes." Horatio answered._

_"How can I make you feel better?" Dean asked._

_Horatio thought for a second, "well, you screwing me isn't going to help!" he thought, "but you out of the house would."_

_Horatio sighed, "I don't know." _

_Dean sat down in his sons chair by the desk and sighed._

_"Well, I would beat the crap out of you, but I'm not in the mood right now. So instead you get to choose." Dean smirked._

_Horatio sighed, he knew it was going to be bad._

_"You can choose between having to give me a blowjob, or take the razor and cut yourself between your toes and fingers, or you can take a little fall down the stairs." Dean smirked._

_Horatio didn't have to think for long, "I'll cut myself between the toes and fingers." he said._

_"Good boy, why don't you go into the bathroom and do that." Dean smiled, "I'll wait here for you to show me when you're done."_

_Horatio nodded and left the room. He hurried into the bathroom and locked the door. In all his years of abuse he had never come up with the plan to escape through the bathroom window, until now. He had made sure that the landing would be soft by planting an old mattress under the window. No one would notice he was gone until he had managed to run almost thirty minutes. And Horatio was a fast runner. He slowly opened the window and crawled outside. He jumped down and made sure no passer by had seen him. Then he sneaked out of the yard and started to run down the street, passed all his neighbors. He knew he would get in trouble if his father found him, but he planned on running forever and ever. Until he was out of the state._

_After a while he was out of his block and he ran into the forest. It was getting dark so it was a little difficult for him to see where he was going. He slowed down to walk and tried to stay away from the paths. He hadn't been gone longer than five minutes so he could still escape for a long time. He knew his father would never ask the police to search for him, he didn't like the police. Horatio wasn't tired so he started running again. He had forgot to bring a flashlight. He had planned on escaping during the night and not at six in the evening. He had actually packed a bag with some food, a flashlight, matches and some money. But that bag was under his bed in his bedroom where his father sat waiting for him. For the first time in his life he felt absolutely free and he wouldn't let anything stop him now. He knew he would miss his mother and brother, he wished he could have taken Raymond with him. But he had made himself a promise that if he managed to be on the run for several years, he would come back when he was a little bit older. He came to the end of the forest when he heard footsteps behind him. He panicked and started running faster. He didn't believe it was his father behind him, but he didn't want people to see him. The person behind him started running too, to keep up with Horatio. By now the sun was almost completely gone and Horatio knew he could trip any time now. He ran with all his energy, but so did the person behind him. Soon he was out of the forest and now it was only a big corn field ahead of him. Horatio jumped over the barbed wired fence and kept on running._

_He was still being followed. He looked back and that turned out to be a mistake when he felt something sharp around his feet and he tripped. Horatio tried to get up, but he realized he got stuck in barb wire and in cut deeper into his skin as he tried to get free. He stopped when he could no longer hear any footsteps._

_He looked up into the eyes of his English teacher. His English teacher Bradley had a big smirk in his face._

_Horatio groaned._

_"I came out to run in the forest and imagine my surprise when I see my own student in front of me, running too. But not with jogging clothes." Bradley smirked._

_"I don't own any jogging clothes." Horatio said._

_"I know, but I also know that your dad couldn't possibly have authorized you running in the forest at six." Bradley said, "So what do you say I take you home."_

_Horatio wanted to rip Bradley's head off, he wanted to poke his eyes out. He had planned his escape for so long and he hadn't even managed to be free for twenty minutes. Bradley took away the barb wire from Horatio feet and lifted him to his feet. Horatio hissed at the pain from his cuts._

_"Since you're in pain, we'll walk slowly back to your house." Bradley said._

_Horatio groaned and started walking with Bradley. Bradley kept on holding his hand and had an evil smirk in his face. Horatio didn't know why Bradley tried to play calm when his bulge in his pants was so obvious. Though, Horatio knew that Bradley wouldn't touch him tonight. Bradley wanted to, but he wouldn't. Why? Horatio had no idea. After almost forty minutes Bradley and Horatio arrived at the Caine house hold and a very pissed of Dean opened the door. Dean glared at his son and pulled him inside. He talked about something with Bradley and the closed the door._

_"You are really testing how far I can go aren't you?" Dean asked as he grabbed Horatio's arm and almost dragged him down to the basement._

_Horatio didn't say anything, he knew that after this night he would have to be home from school for almost two weeks. Dean tossed his son to the floor and took of his belt, that had a very big belt buckle._

_But this time he didn't beat Horatio with it. This time he tied his hands together behind a pipe and then took two big buckets of water from the spare freezer that was down in the basement._

_"This is going to be cold as hell. I'm going to throw to buckets of cold water on you and then one bucket of warm water." Dean said, "and I'm going to enjoy it."_

_Horatio closed his eyes and gasped as the cold water hit his body. He could feel his blood starting to freeze and the burning sensation as the water touched his cuts on his feet. He kept on gasping and jumped when the second bucket with water hit him. He was shaking by now and he could barely breathe as it felt like his lungs were getting smaller._

_"Time to get a little bit warmer." Dean said and Horatio prepared himself._

_-I-_

Horatio was trashing in his bed and groaning. Two nurses and Dr. Kim O'Connor were trying to keep him still. Kim tried to talk to Horatio but he kept on moving around and kicking with his feet. Outside Frank watched his best friend dreaming. He wanted to go in there and help. He thought that maybe the voice of someone familiar to Horatio would make him calm down and wake up. But Dr. O'Connor had made it clear that he should stay outside. Frank watched the nurses struggle. It wasn't easy to hold Horatio down. After a while Horatio seemed to calm down, but he still hadn't woken up.

Dr. O'Connor gave him some sedatives and then left the room to talk with Frank.

"I didn't manage to get your name?" Dr. O'Connor said to Frank.

"Frank Tripp." Frank said, "Can I go in to see him?"

Dr. O'Connor nodded, "I'm going to have to call a psychologist for Lt. Caine." she said.

"He's not nuts Dr. and believe me, he won't talk to a shrink." Frank snapped.

"I'm not saying he's nuts, but we have a hospital psychologist that is very good, he can help Lt. Caine." Dr. O'Connor said.

"He doesn't need one. Let his family talk to him." Frank said.

Dr. O'Connor nodded, "Alright."

Frank nodded his thank you to her and went in to see Horatio.

He was sleeping peacefully, but his hands were shaking slightly.

Frank sighed, "What is it that troubles you so much my friend?".

_TBC…_

**AN: Please review! **


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter five: Closure**

Two days had passed since Horatio had been put in the hospital.

He was now being released and waited for Frank to come and give him a lift home.

He still wasn't allowed to come back to work yet. His boss had told him to take four days off and get some rest.

He didn't want to go home, he couldn't rest there. However, he couldn't rest at the hospital either. In fact, it didn't seem to matter where he was. He couldn't rest anyway. Even when he was awake, he felt as if he was being watched, and sometimes he felt as if he was trapped inside the trunk again. Barely being able to breath.

He saw Frank's car drive towards him.

"Hey H, how are ya feeling?" Frank asked.

"Better." Horatio said, getting into the car.

"Well, once you get some rest at home you'll be feeling great." Frank smiled.

Horatio nodded, but he knew that it would never happen.

Frank hadn't mentioned that he had seen H have a nightmare. Of course, he wanted to know what his dreams were about, but he knew better than to push H. If H wanted to tell him then he would.

"What are you going to do when you home?" Frank asked.

"I don't know." Horatio said, _trying not to fall asleep,_ he thought.

"If I know you correctly, you'll be crawling on the walls." Frank chuckled.

"I'll probably do that, yes." Horatio smiled.

"I can come over and keep you company if you want." Frank said.

"Sure, but not tonight. Alexx is coming over." Horatio said.

"Is she going to give you a tongue lashing?" Frank asked.

"Yeah, probably." Horatio said.

Of course, that was not true. Well, maybe a little bit. Horatio was going to tell Alexx about his childhood, about his father. He was going to open up to her and she was going to give him a tongue-lashing for not telling her he wasn't feeling okay. But the tongue-lashing wasn't what scared him. What he was afraid of was what her reaction was going to be like.

She would find him disgusting and never talk to him again. Or worse, she would tell everybody at the lab.

Frank pulled up on Horatio's driveway.

He and Horatio got out of the car and went inside Horatio's house.

"Alright, home sweet home." Frank said.

Horatio nodded.

"Well, I have to get back to work, but I'll drop by tomorrow." Frank said.

"Alright, thank you Frank." Horatio said.

"No problem, that's what friends are for." Frank smiled and left.

Once he was left inside Horatio walked around in his house.

He was tired, but didn't want to sleep.

He sat down in his couch, and soon he couldn't keep his eyes open.

_-I-_

_The now fifteen-year-old Horatio was on his way home from school._

_He muttered to himself, he was angry. Not at himself, but at Raymond._

_Raymond had started skipping school and Horatio knew that he would get the blame for that. _

_Apparently, he was supposed to be able to make sure that his little brother was in class on the same times as he himself had class. How was that supposed to be possible?_

_Part of him wished that Raymond had never been born. He knew it was a terrible thought, but if Raymond hadn't been born, Horatio wouldn't get the blame for his mistakes. And why did Raymond always make new mistakes? Didn't he care that his big brother was beaten senseless for what he did?_

_Maybe that why he never learned, he didn't have to. Because he never had to pay for it._

_He opened the door to the house and noticed how quiet it was._

_He had expected to hear music and smell food. It was almost four and he knew that his mother always prepared dinner during that time. And when she did, she always listened to music._

_"Hello?" Horatio called. He got no answer._

_He walked further down the hallway and reached the kitchen._

_The sight before him was something you only saw in movies._

_His mother was lying on the kitchen floor, her face beaten so badly that an outsider would never recognize her. Her right foot was twisted in a strange direction, most likely broken._

_Horatio couldn't see her chest moving, she wasn't breathing!_

_There were several bloody handprints on the fridge and walls. She had tried to escape._

_The Horatio noticed Dean standing over his mother, panting and sweating._

_Dean wasn't angry. He was furious, even beyond furious._

_"What have you done?" Horatio asked._

_Dean made eye contact with his son._

_"This is your fault, boy." He said._

_Horatio shook his head._

_"You killed her." He said._

_Dean walked towards his, his hands twisted into fists. Horatio backed out in the hallway, towards the door._

_"You killed her." Horatio said._

_"No, your stupid manners did." Dean said, "If she had raised a normal boy I wouldn't have done this."_

_"This is your fault." Horatio said._

_Dean growled and punched Horatio in the face, knocking him down to the floor._

_Dean grabbed his son's feet and dragged him towards the basement door._

_Horatio knew that his father would kill him too._

_He started kicking and managed to bring one foot towards Dean's face. Breaking his nose._

_"You son of a bitch!" Dean growled, "You're going to pay for that!"_

_Dean kicked Horatio in the stomach and pulled his hair._

_Horatio screamed and bit his father's hand._

_He managed to get loose and stumbled towards the front door._

_Dean was fast though, and grabbed Horatio before he could open the door._

_He pulled his hair again and punched him in the chest._

_Horatio pressed his finger in Dean's eyes. Dean punched Horatio again and Horatio gasped. _

_He fell to the floor and covered his head with his hands as Dean kicked him._

_"Your stupid mother died because she didn't raise you right." Dean growled as he kicked Horatio._

_"You didn't do a very good job either." Horatio yelled._

_Dean suddenly stopped and stared at Horatio._

_He grabbed his arms and pulled him up from the floor._

_"Did I just hear that?" He asked._

_Horatio didn't answer. Dean growled and pushed Horatio back. He fell against a chest and could hear how he broke his ribs._

_He screamed in pain and clutched his ribs._

_"Come on boy, fight me like man!" Dean yelled and kicked Horatio again._

_Horatio couched and tried to breath. He stood up, but was soon knocked down again. His head hit the floor hard, and his vision became blurry._

_"Show me how much of a man you are!" Dean yelled._

_Horatio stood up again, steadying himself on the chest._

_"You killed you mother." Dean smirked._

_"No!" Horatio screamed and ran forwards knocking his father down._

_Horatio could see how his father fell towards a small table in the hallway. His head hitting the edge._

_The he landed on the floor. Not moving._

_"You killed her!" Horatio yelled._

_He gasped, his ribs and head hurting._

_He suddenly became scared when he noticed his father wasn't moving._

_He grabbed the phone and dialed 911._

_He only managed to tell the operator his address before he blacked out._

_-I-_

Horatio gasped as the sat up in his couch.

He cursed at himself for falling asleep. That dream was the worst one. He always saw his mother's dead face and it always haunted him. He stood up and went to the kitchen, getting some water.

He was still tired, but he would do anything to stay awake. He didn't want to dream anymore. Never again.

**-I-**

Calleigh was on her way home when she got a call from Alexx.

"Hey Cal, I got a favor to ask you." Alexx said.

"Sure Alexx, what is it?"

"Could you go home to Horatio's tonight? Something just came up and I can't make it." Alexx said.

"But Alexx weren't you supposed to talk to him tonight. About his childhood?" Calleigh asked.

"Yeah, but I can't tonight." Alexx said, "You can do it."

"But he wants to tell you." Calleigh said.

"Cal, we both know that you want to know as well." Alexx said, "You can tell me about it later."

Calleigh sighed, "Are you sure?"

"Yes, I'm sure."

"Alright."

"Thank you."

Calleigh said goodbye and hung up.

What she didn't know was that Alexx wasn't busy at all. Alexx wanted Calleigh to talk to Horatio because she knew that they were meant to be together. And Horatio might even find it easier to talk to Calleigh.

Calleigh turned her car around and drove to Horatio house.

It didn't take long to get there.

"Calleigh?" Horatio asked surprised as the opened his front door.

"Yeah, Alexx couldn't make it." Calleigh said.

Horatio nodded and moved away form the door to let Calleigh inside.

"Can't I get you anything to drink?" He asked.

"No thank you." Calleigh said, "Let's go to your back porch."

Horatio nodded and led the way.

"So you know what Alexx and I were going to talk about?" Horatio asked.

"Yes, I do." Calleigh said, "I hope its okay that I'm here?"

"Yes, I just… I'm nervous." Horatio said.

"I understand." Calleigh said, "Do you want me to know?"

"Honestly?"

"Yeah."

"Honestly I don't want anyone to know." Horatio said, "I don't want people to get scared and reject me. I don't want them to find me disgusting."

"You're not disgusting Horatio." Calleigh said.

"You never know how someone might react when they are told something horrible." Horatio said, "I don't want to be alone. And if I don't tell anyone, no one will know and that way… no one can reject me."

"Horatio, I know you don't want to be alone. Yet you always find a way to keep everybody at a distance." Calleigh said, "You don't open up. And I even though I understand how you mean, I also think that sometimes that the problem."

"That I don't open up to anyone?" He asked.

"Yes, sometimes you have to." She said, "And you should no me well enough to know that nothing will ever make me hate you." She smiled.

Horatio nodded.

"So your dreams are about your childhood?" Calleigh asked.

"Yeah, about a few times that my father beat me." He said, "He abused me in everyway he could Calleigh. Physically, mentally and sexually." He said and looked down at his feet.

"He sounds like a horrible man." Calleigh said.

She reached her hand out and lifted Horatio' head up.

"Look at me." She said.

Horatio looked at her.

"I don't know why he started being abusive or why he took it all out on me and my mother." Horatio said, "Raymond was always left unharmed, and sometimes I hater Raymond for it."

"I hated the fact I got the blame for everything he did. My father always found a good reason as to why something was my fault."

"His abuse started with slaps to the head and face. He started on mom, but soon moved on to me. Then he started hitting us with fists. One of the worst things though, was that every time I did something wrong, he would beat mom later at night because she hadn't raised me well enough."

"Don't blame yourself handsome." Calleigh said.

"I know I shouldn't but, sometimes I do." He said, "The mental abuse never stopped, every time he opened his mouth he found a way to push me down with words. I got so sick of hearing those words, carrot top, dumb ass, retard, looser, and so on. I heard them at school all the time too."

"And Raymond never heard anything?" Calleigh asked.

"No, but I think he did whatever he could to stay on dads good side, so that he wouldn't get abused." Horatio sighed, "I think he knew what dad did too. Sometimes he witnessed how dad hit me. But most of the times he didn't."

"My dad used to lock me in the trunk of our car for several hours. It was so dark and I always imagined that I saw different figures. So I always screamed and kicked the roof."

"One times I panicked so much that I broke three fingers. Dad took me to the hospital. But the doctor never suspected anything. No one did. Not even when I came in with bite marks all over my body."

"Bite marks?" Calleigh asked.

"Yeah, the neighbor's dog had attacked me. Dad had locked me outside with it." Horatio said.

Calleigh seemed disgusted. She was disgusted of Horatio's father.

"If I held my fork wrong dad would hit me. And if I held it the way he did, I would be a copycat and then he would hit me for that. I used to wonder how my mother could kiss him when he treated her so bad. But when I got older I realized that she did it because of fear."

"Mom even tried to protect dad sometimes. She said accused him of hitting her every time she had a black eye or a swollen lip. But in her eyes I could see the shame." He sighed, "One time my dad threw cold and hot water on me. I got badly burned and have scars from it even today. Whenever I dream that dream I feel as if my back is burning and freezing on the same times when I wake up."

Horatio paused for a minute. Calleigh knew that he was going to tell her about probably the worst abuse.

"I don't remember exactly when, but at a young age I noticed that my father would come into my room at night. At first he didn't do anything, but after a few times he started touching and caress me." Horatio said, once again looking down at his feet.

"I first though it was a way of saying sorry, but I soon realized that it wasn't. And dad wasn't the only one. My English teacher did it too."

"No? Your English teacher?" Calleigh asked. She had tears in her eyes.

Horatio nodded.

"I hated having English. I could feel his eyes all over me and some kids at school started rumors about our teacher being in love with me." Horatio said, "Like if they knew, but of course they didn't. They just saw how he always stared at me."

"I don't really want to go in too deep."

"Then don't Horatio, I'm sorry." Calleigh said, "Are you sure that you want to continue?"

"Yes, I actually feel a little bit better having it of my chest." He said.

Calleigh nodded and reached out to hold his hand.

She gave his hand a squeeze. He squeezed back.

"My father's abuse has made me scared of people. Made it hard for me to trust others. Especially when it comes to physical contact. How do explain why you have scars all over you back without scaring people off? Or without telling them everything?"

"You know who Amy was?" He asked.

"Yes."

"Okay, well she wondered why I was so stiff whenever she tried to… You know, turn me on." Horatio said, "I can't really bare to tell someone that my first sexual experience was with my father. How disgusting isn't that?"

"Horatio, it's not you that people find disgusting. It's you father." Calleigh said.

"People get scared." He said.

"That's because they get shocked and don't know how to handle the information." Calleigh said.

"I think I'm disgusting." Horatio said.

"You're not." Calleigh said, "You are a wonderful, caring and gentle man."

"Thank you Calliegh." Horatio said.

She smiled.

"They day my parents died. I got home form school, I prepared myself for a beating, but when I entered the house, it was dad silent. As I got into the kitchen, I saw my mother on the floor, beaten to death. I could barely recognize her." Horatio said. Tears were beginning to fall.

"I remember the bloody handprints on the walls, she must have been terrified. Fighting or her life. It couldn't have been a painless death either. Not in the hands of my father."

"Then dad saw me and started kicking punching me. He threw me against a chest and I broke three ribs. I hit my head on the floor and got a concussion. He mocked me and told me how it was my fault that mom died. He told me she hadn't raised me right and that is why he had killed her. I got so angry that I pushed him and he fell. Hitting his head on a small table. I killed him." Horatio sobbed.

"It was self defense Horatio." Calleigh said.

"I still killed him and not only did I loose both my parents that day, but in a way I lost my brother." Horatio said, "Ever since that day we never agreed and he did everything he could to go against me and I was overprotecting."

"But you still lover each other." Calleigh said.

"Yeah, but the last thing I sad to Ray, was that I wished he hadn't been born." Horatio said, "The look on his face haunts me. I could see how sad he got, I mean really hurt. ´Cause even though we always fought, he never thought I would say something like that."

"Raymond knew that you just said it because you were angry." Calleigh said.

"But I wish I would have said that I was sorry." Horatio said.

Calleigh couldn't help herself. She pulled Horatio into a hug and held him as he softly sobbed.

"I'm a wreck Cal." He said.

"No, you're not." Calleigh said and kissed his head, "You are not to blame for anything in you childhood, you your brothers death. I'm sure your mother and brother are looking down on us right now." She smiled, "And I think they're smiling."

Horatio gave her a small smile.

"Thank you Calleigh."

"For what?"

"For listening. For catching me as I fall."

"I always will handsome." She smiled.

Horatio smiled and kissed her softly.

Calleigh was stunned. Horatio noticed what he had done and blushed.

"Sorry Cal." He said.

"Don't be sorry." She smiled, "I'm not." She kissed him.

"You're not?" He asked when they parted.

Calleigh shook her head.

"No, I've wanted this to happen for a long time." She smiled.

"Me too." He said, "Cal?"

"Yes."

"I have to fix some things for Madison's funeral tomorrow. Would you like to help me?" He asked.

"I would love to be there with you handsome."

**_TBC…_**

**AN: I knew haven't updated in a long time. But this was the hardest chapter two write so far. I had to figure out how to get the whole thing down in writing and I hope you think I did pretty well.**

**Please review!!**


	6. Chapter 6

_Horatio's POV_

I never thought they day would come when I had to bury my niece.

Madison is lying in a casket, and it's being lowered down into the ground. Every time I look at the casket, it's as if someone stabs me in my heart. It's my only relative that lying inside. My sweet Madison.

It's not a big funeral. Only Calleigh, the rest of the team and myself are here.

In their eyes, I can see their support. I can see that they care about me. I had never seen that before.

But talking to Calleigh opened my eyes. I realized that I was not alone, even though I still feel like I am sometimes.

Calleigh. I think about her all the time. I always have and I always will. She's holding my hand. Squeezing it sometimes to let me know that she's right beside me. That she will catch me if I fall.

She has been nothing but patient and caring for the last four days.

She's been comforting me after I've had a nightmare. She has slowly helped me pick up the pieces of my broken heart. She's helped me heal. And for that, I am forever grateful.

Inside of myself I'm crying, and I know that Calleigh is crying too.

I'm not strong enough to show to the rest of team what I'm really feeling. But I know they can see it in my eyes. And they too are slowly helping me heal. They're always prepared to catch me if I need it.

What did I do to deserve a family like this?

We see so much death and cruelty in our job, and I'm amazed as to how they can still be so happy. They can still laugh and smile. Something I forgot a long time ago.

It's slowly coming back to me though. And I'm not going to let it disappear again.

And the most important thing of all is that I have Calleigh with me. Forever. I love Calleigh.

**--**

_Calleigh's POV_

It was a long time ago since I saw Madison. I wish I could have seen her under better circumstances then this one. I miss how her eyes always lit up when she saw her uncle. And how he was always so happy to see her.

I don't think Horatio really noticed just how much Madison adored him. He never understood how loved and admired he was at the lab until I told him. And yet he still has trouble believing it.

I knew Alexx had set me up. She hadn't been buys four days ago, she had tricked me.

Though she hasn't admitted it yet.

I don't really know why. Maybe because she thought it was time that Horatio and I got together and that it was necessary for us to talk. I don't know. But I'm glad that Alexx tricked me.

I've been helping Horatio a few days now. He has done so much to help other, but now it's his turn to be helped.

He still has a long way to full recovery a head of him. It will take some time to bring back the joy and happiness in his life.

I know that he and I will spend many years together. And we will face happiness and sadness together. He's no longer alone.

I love Horatio.

**--**

Once the casket had been lowered down, the rest of the team approached their favorite blond and red head.

They had no idea how, but something had changed. Calleigh and Horatio were different.

"Are you alright?" Eric asked.

"Not yet. But we will be." Calleigh said.

After a few minutes, it was only Calleigh and Horatio left.

"Are you ready to go handsome?" Calleigh asked.

Horatio gave her a shy smile.

"Yeah." He said.

Calleigh nodded and together they left and got in to the hummer. Calleigh knew that all the ones they loved that had died were watching them and they were probably smiling.

**THE END**

**AN: Please review!**


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